Friday, February 26, 2016


I was lookin’ at pictures of myself the other day, I just sat there staring for quite a while. (I would say for hours but that would be an exaggeration!)It was like I never saw me before.
I suddenly noticed how the laugh lines mixed with worry lines in my face which seemed rounder. I may have noticed my double chin but now I noticed the extra skin under my chin. Like most women I was conscious about my hair line but at that moment I accepted the fact that my hairline had receded. After giving it some thought I decided: I am OK with who I am.

I look at me and see a person who has come a long way. As a child I did not fit in with the crowd, as I got older I found a crowd to fit in, then the crowd began fitting in with me and now I avoid the crowd. I don’t know when it happened but I stopped being a people pleaser and I am OK with that.

Once upon a time I went out of my way to comply with the standards of my environment, they call that fitting in. I never was the most in-style dresser but I did not look way out of style. I knew the latest songs, movies, and places to eat. I prided myself in being able to be social in any type of crowd regardless of race, culture or gender. I did what my family, friends and church expected of me. No matter how good at being part of a group I was I knew I did not fit.

What is amazing is I still do pretty much everything I used to do. I am still there for family, friends, and church. I do not know what the latest songs are, Christian or otherwise; I don’t go to movies and I don’t buy a lot of clothes. But,, I do enjoy listening to music from time to time; I do watch movies in the comfort of my home; and I do get a new outfit when needed. I do not socialize as much as I use to, funny they all seem to come to me now! I must say, I really do like my life!

When I look in the mirror I can get past the receding hairline the double chin and miscellaneous and see me. I take supplements to supplement my diet not pills to counter the problems of poor health. I come and go as I please without concern of cost or who I am going to stay with- I can afford my lifestyle. My “No” means “No” and I do not give explanations when people ask me to do something I don’t want to do. It took me a little over fifty years to get free of other peoples opinions and just be myself but I plan on living the next fifty years doing just that.

I have two questions for you:
    Are you willing to grow old with the person you see in the mirror?
    Do you even know what you look like?

And that is the world according to NETTIE xxx Short Stories and essays by Marsha L F Randolph